Travel[zoo] Temptation Of The Week

"When one subtracts from life infancy (which is vegetation), sleep, eating and swilling, buttoning and unbuttoning - how much remains of downright existence? The summer of a dormouse."

Lord Byron

Worth taking a lil' chance or two, doncha think?

No, really. No irony intended. (I am almost 30 - barely trustworthy, but safely post-college.) Believe me, you owe it to yourself. Just try it. I'm not really completely sure what a dormouse is, but he does have a point.

Mildly Interesting Photos Of The Week

(Waterford, NY / 11 Mar / Casio EX-Z750)

Travelzoo Temptation Of The Week

Doing anything next week?

Cuz, well, if you wanted to visit the Axis of Weasels, this would be the time.

I hear the cheese is good.

Translation Dictionary: Christianese/English

• Clap offering (n.) Known to the rest of the world as Applause. Putatively directed at God and not the person who is on stage encouraging it.

• Offering (n.) The act of passing small baskets through a crowd in the hopes that they will be filled with money. Also used as a term for any type of onstage activity the speaker wishes to depict as spiritual endeavor rather than performance.

• Love offering (n.) See Offering. (It is still uncertain at this time which type of gift a Hate Offering would involve, if any. Research continues.)
  


• Walk (n.) - This is somewhat nebulous but seems to refer to the day-to-day quality of one's relationship with God. See also Journey.

• Journey (n.) Originally, a trendier alternative term in reaction against the mainstream term Walk. A mainstream term.
  

• Mars Hill (1) (n.) A church or type of church which operates under the simultaneous belief that it is not a church yet counts as going to church. Founded on principles of discussion, expensive coffee, and general reactionism against mainstream Christian tendencies such as Christianese Biblical references.

• Mars Hill (2) (n.) A Christianese Biblical reference to a Greek location in the New Testament where the Apostle Paul once preached.

• Worship (n. or v.) Any act or action of submitting oneself to God in active communication with him. In recent times, generally interpreted to mean repeating the top three to four cliche-filled songs of the month three to four times apiece at the beginning of a service.

• Emergent worship (n.) Forms of worship considered "alternative" or otherwise nontraditional. May include drum circles, stream-of-consciousness poetry, or coloring with crayons. Now used most often by mainstream corporations in the selling of traditional worship music CDs.

• To share (v.) To speak about one's feelings or experience. This term most likely has its linguistic origins in early Pop-Psychologese; however, in modern Christianese it is most often spoken entirely without irony.

• To sow [into] (v.) To invest in, occasionally with time, but most often financially. Used frequently by pastors to explain expenditures, possibly on the assumption that referencing a New Testament parable will lessen a congregation's instinctive desire for accountable results.

• To bless (v.) Similar to sowing [into], but more inclusive. Originally an extremely grave and powerful concept for the ancient Northwestern Semitic cultures in which it originated, this modern Christianese term can be generally summed up as "to make [one] feel nice."

• Testimony (n.) A spiritualized summary of one's significant life events, told in public. e.g., a "conversion story." See also Share. NOTE: In correct usage, must never include anything negative that has not already come to a clear, happy, facile conclusion.

• Witness (n. or v.) Confusingly broad in actual usage, but probably related to Sharing, Testimony, Offering, and possibly Bless.

• A work (n.) Any personal interventive action attributed to God, as in, "God's really doing a work." Due to the frequency of its usage, was most likely born out of the desire for a more spiritual-sounding word than "thing."

Mildly Interesting Photos Of The Week

(Jacksonville, FL / 05 Mar / Casio EX-Z750)

Death Be Not Unique

"Slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men." I like that.

But still, funerals are always a little weird.

Skip the obvious, for a moment, and just concentrate on the employees who do that for a living. When i'm at a funeral i think inevitably of Mark Twain's dog-whacking undertaker in Huck Finn - totally somber, yet wonderfully down-to-earth (so to speak). Intimate with the details of that most distant of experiences, therefore appreciated by all. These dark-suited professionals are so collected and solicitous with their customers, but let's face it: they haul around dead bodies all day. You almost have to be just the tiniest bit off for that. At the least, you'd have to find some humor in it. In fact, it seems like it would go best with the kind of sense of humor that's almost exquisitely tuned but then given just one firm crank too far. (cf.)

I like people like that. I love Mark Twain. I don't particularly like funerals, but as they say in the business, one goes when one must. K.'s grandma's funeral was last Friday. We flew up to New York and then drove several hours with her family up into the mountains, over the high icy mist of the Mohawk Trail. I'd forgotten about mountains. I'd forgotten about ice, too. Indeed, because of the weather, K's grandmother actually managed that most reknowned of achievements and was in fact late to her own funeral. The rest of us were right on time, but after a brief huddle with the rest of the family, no one was quite sure where the hearse had gotten to. Fortunately, once the plows had gone through it made its appearance in due time. It really would've been interesting if it hadn't. See, that's the stuff you never hear about. You know it's happened to somebody. I'd bet Mark Twain could tell you, if he weren't dead too.

But it was a good goodbye, this funeral, and for a good person. One i never got to know, not counting the brief years near the end, after the Alzheimer's had imprisoned her mind and the Parkinson's her body - but you know what? She was still smiling. By all accounts, that's really how she spent her life. And perhaps my grasp on the existentials is slipping, but i'm not so sure anymore that there's much more or better any of us can do in the end than that.

Mildly Interesting Photos Of The Week

(Waterford, NY / 11 Mar / Casio EX-Z750)

Urgent Activist Alert

(image: brandautopsy.typepad.com)

Our clandestine sources in Albany, New York have indicated that over seven thousand Starbucks Coffee outlets nationwide plan to give away free cups of Verona Roast this Wednesday from ten o'clock to noon.

Really, this is one of those rare opportunities with something for everyone.

If you're an average young post-student with a $25-a-week fat-free latte habit and you love Starbucks passionately for its support of the Hardworking Indigenous Peoples Of Wherever, well, come on in and get your fix for free. It's just like knocking a tenth of a percent or so off your credit card debt finance charges for this month! For a special celebration, try a dash of the vanilla sugar. Hint: Didn't know coffee came in a color that dark? No worries. Just add Splenda, and lots and lots of skim milk. Trust me, you won't know the difference.

Alternatively, for those of you just like a good cuppa in the mornings but are too cheap to pay $3.50 for it, hey, this one's for you. Those Raw Sugar packets are great to fill your pockets with, too. As long as you're discreet, they don't even yell at you. And you can sit there and read their newspapers while holding that one empty cup for hours before they start to glare. I mean, that is, so i hear.

And all you ardent anti-property advocates who hate Starbucks for its ruthlessly homogeneous corporate expansionism, here's your chance to stick it to those globalizing pigs and drink their rich, tasty capitalist coffee guilt-free! We know how tough it must be, growing and roasting all your own beans in those highrise loft apartments. But we admire your commitment. Oh, and no, don't worry, we didn't see you in Whole Foods last week with that pound of Sumatra Roast on sale.

Oh. And by the way, all of you, have one for me. It's ten o'clock on a Wednesday. I'll be at my job.

Signs Of A Fine Establishment, Pt. 29

(Mayville, NY / 30 Aug 2005 / Canon S110)

Another List, Or, The Subtle Joys Of Boolean Algorithms

Night Watch visitors are the most remarkably well-rounded people. (The regulars, well, they're just remarkably odd.) Judging by the actual search phrases with which people have tortured Google to give up this address, we've got the travel-minded...

• la ceiba honduras
• bush intercontinental cinnabon
• nellie edinburgh blog
• deaf jamaica blog
• bender shipyard

...the diehard religious pilgrims...

• dehart's in kentucky
• dehart's bible tire
• dehart's Bible & Tire

...the...hmm...

• Houston Casio
• rand defect
• mato rifles

...and the...hmm.

• watch la blue girl
• free watch girl show
• dominican booty talk

Well. Now that everyone's enjoying themselves....

Oh, And Regarding That Sponsorship Deal

(theakstons.co.uk)

As promised, a scientifically conducted study on the correlative relationship, if any, between Old Peculier consumption and winning Trivia Night at the London Bridge. Results: A Tuesday night out for three for a dollar sixty, total. Plus a kinda nifty jigsaw puzzle. The chocolate's already gone, but really, let's face it: It's all about getting your picture on the wall.

That, and the little plastic gold medal.

Not that i would ever gloat.

Travelzoo Temptation Of The Week

"To be truly challenging, a voyage, like a life, must rest on a firm foundation of financial unrest. Otherwise you are doomed to a routine traverse, the kind known to yachtsman, who play with their boats at sea -- "cruising", it is called. Voyaging belongs to seamen, and to the wanderers of the world who cannot, or will not, fit in. If you are contemplating a voyage and have the means, abandon the venture until your fortunes change. Only then will you know what the sea is all about."

Sterling Hayden

Okay, so it's not from Travelzoo this week. No - it's better.

And Also, Speaking Of Beer--

Let us join in a moment of silence for Mr. Jim's Cannon Brewpub of Mobile, Alabama - a fallen comrade, a Mercy Ships legend gone sadly silent - the tragic victim of unpaid electric bills. A whole lot of unpaid electric bills, from the sound of it. But that's not the worst part. From the Mobile Register, 9 Feb:

About 1,800 gallons of beer, worth $80,000, sitting in the pub's tanks has probably spoiled, Haywood said. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives will have to oversee its disposal, which won't be down a drain.

"The sewage system won't be able to handle it,'" Haywood said.

And free wireless, too.

Sigh.

Mildly Interesting Photos Of The Week

(Jacksonville Beach / 25 Feb / Casio EX-Z750)

'Trivial Pursuit' Is For Weenies

Spent the other night at the London Bridge again. Trivia night, you know.

This is the small but unique establishment of Caribbean Mercy PR-tour-2003 notoriety. As i recall it, the crew discovered the London Bridge about fifteen minutes after the gangway hit the ground, and a pretty constant vigil was maintained there until the day we sailed. We held the happy dual status of celebrated newcomers (with occasional discounts) and recognized regulars. But i don't remember there being a Trivia Night.

I heartily approve of the concept, however. Trivia, in this case, can cover anything from ancient Chinese maritime history to the latest from 50 Cent. Last week our group of four discovered that the prize is not only a big mixing bowl filled with whatever they hapen to have lying around - boxes of microwave popcorn, a DVD, the largest bag of Hershey's Kisses in the free world - but also a twenty-dollar bar tab. Trivia, anyone? Actually, it was a team of five if you count the pet fish, whom Missy brought for my birthday and K. promptly christened Stewart. Stewart was a placid observer from his bag on the table and in general seemed to enjoy the proceedings. Sadly, we lost in the lightning round this week, even with our secret weapon Brian visiting from Nova Scotia. (Do you know the title of the 1940 Oscar nominee starring Bette Davis with Humphrey Bogart as the devoted stablehand? No? I thought not. Although if you do, please give us a call.) However, the winners did share their M&Ms, if not their bar tab, and so all was well. Such a fine establishment.

Next week: a study on the relationship between Old Peculier consumption and game performance. I wonder if we can get a sponsor.


(image credit: theakstons.co.uk)

Travelzoo Temptation Of The Week

" 'I've always wanted to [see the Pyramids], but I can't afford it'. What these men can't afford is not to go. They are enmeshed in the cancerous discipline of 'security'. And in the worship of security....Which shall it be: bankruptcy of purse or bankruptcy of life?"

Sterling Hayden