Urgent Activist Alert

(image: brandautopsy.typepad.com)

Our clandestine sources in Albany, New York have indicated that over seven thousand Starbucks Coffee outlets nationwide plan to give away free cups of Verona Roast this Wednesday from ten o'clock to noon.

Really, this is one of those rare opportunities with something for everyone.

If you're an average young post-student with a $25-a-week fat-free latte habit and you love Starbucks passionately for its support of the Hardworking Indigenous Peoples Of Wherever, well, come on in and get your fix for free. It's just like knocking a tenth of a percent or so off your credit card debt finance charges for this month! For a special celebration, try a dash of the vanilla sugar. Hint: Didn't know coffee came in a color that dark? No worries. Just add Splenda, and lots and lots of skim milk. Trust me, you won't know the difference.

Alternatively, for those of you just like a good cuppa in the mornings but are too cheap to pay $3.50 for it, hey, this one's for you. Those Raw Sugar packets are great to fill your pockets with, too. As long as you're discreet, they don't even yell at you. And you can sit there and read their newspapers while holding that one empty cup for hours before they start to glare. I mean, that is, so i hear.

And all you ardent anti-property advocates who hate Starbucks for its ruthlessly homogeneous corporate expansionism, here's your chance to stick it to those globalizing pigs and drink their rich, tasty capitalist coffee guilt-free! We know how tough it must be, growing and roasting all your own beans in those highrise loft apartments. But we admire your commitment. Oh, and no, don't worry, we didn't see you in Whole Foods last week with that pound of Sumatra Roast on sale.

Oh. And by the way, all of you, have one for me. It's ten o'clock on a Wednesday. I'll be at my job.