Other Significant Other

I have noticed that i am developing a whole new relationship with my bunk. I really appreciate it on such an entirely different level now. I just don't know how i didn't see this before. I must have been blind....This is, like, destiny. I think about it when i'm not with it. I miss it. I long to spend every spare moment with it. Sometimes i even daydream about going to visit it...just for a few minutes....

Environmental Impact Statement

Q: How often does a forty-foot sewage tank need to be pumped out when it's filled continuously by a hundred people on a Mercy Ship working in a shipyard?

A: Every day.

Q: And, how does it smell?

A: You don't want to know.

Q: Please elaborate.

A: Let's just say if you happened to be on gangway watch and couldn't go anywhere else to get away from it, you might be really really unhappy. Just hypothetically speaking.

Q: But can it really smell more foul than the stuff you were scraping off the bottom of the forepeak ballast tank with a plastic drinking cup two weeks ago?

A: No comment.

Q: By the way, did you just put that plastic cup back in with the rest to be washed?

A: Do i tell you how to do your job? And get that microphone out of my face--

If I Had A Nickel For Every

So there i was, on the twelve-to-four gangway shift one too many nights in a row again, and i sez to myself, Self, what this world really needs, sez i, is yet another self-absorbed whineblog about how many packets of organic honey one more humor-deficient politiweenie just had in their chai latte.

...and the sign said Long haired freaky people need not apply--

oops! Sorry, wrong religion. [rustle rustle] It said: Now enter the mission field. Begin by greeting your neighbor.

Breakfast details shall follow.