Signs Of A Fine Establishment, Pt. 40

Special Politely-Stating-The-Obvious Edition

(middle of nowhere, Hawaii, Feb 2007)

Nothing To Report

No, really; i mean nothing.

Getting slow at work. It'll probably pick up again soon. Today i spent an hour or two taking apart a Twin Otter hydraulic pump assembly. It's a little like working with the bomb squad. You spread out your clean, lint-free cloth, you smooth out all the wrinkles, and then you set this little thing down with approximately the same type of respect you'd use for a package you just found stuffed underneath a White House podium, wrapped in plain brown paper, and ticking. Now this is kind of sad, given that these little pump-and-motor assemblies most often are shipped to us in flimsy cardboard boxes from developing nations in the farthest crannies of the world, covered with actual sticks-and-rocks dirt collected from only God knows where. Sometimes they're covered with other things, too. We wash our hands a lot. Anyway, though, we handle these things with great care, because that's just the kind of company we are. Also because we have absolutely no idea what causes them to function or not, which in turn causes us fear.

In many ways it's more like a primitive religious ritual than a scheduled overhaul. You do what seemed to work the last time. You definitely do it in the same order. You stand on your left foot, you turn around three times and sprinkle a bit of solvent, you do anything it takes, with apprehensive caution and a healthy sense of unease. There's a holy book - the overhaul manual - but it was last revised around 1964, and it seems to require a fair amount of interpretation. The FAA (a truly fearsome Higher Power, even among other bureaucracies) becomes frighteningly wrathful if you break the rules, so you try hard to follow them, though there are varying interpretations. Mainly, you touch it as little as possible and do whatever you can think of that might work. As you read this, there's very likely a repair shop out there somewhere about to perform the ceremonial sacrifice of a small mammal.

There apparently are not many repair stations in the world capable of overhauling these little pumps. The ancient wisdom has long been forgotten, and those who would discover it anew must make many painful pilgrimages of fax and email to track down representatives of long-defunct manufacturers. (That, and pay the appropriate homage to the governing Regional Office of the FAA). We get these and a lot of other parts sent to us from all over the world because we are able - almost always - to make them work. But that doesn't mean we know how.

Next time: The use of PD-680 solvent as a lovely skin care unguent. Don't miss it.

Breaking News Alert

Via Fark, naturally--

For a limited time only, Google Maps has introduced a very special bonus for users of its delightfully invasive new Street View feature. See screenshot for details.



We had a feeling you would like that.

Oddities & Ends

1. Consumer Reports has rated Natural Light higher than Heineken Light. We just thought you'd like to know.

2. Cousin P. got married. The pastor's Seeing Eye Doberman did not object. See photo:


3. Joaquin Phoenix's nephew clogged the toilet at K.'s school. Sorry, no photo of that.