Introducing Profanity Monday

[a new recurring feature here, incorporating slightly naughty but estimably relevant quotes of a probably inappropriate nature]

Evacuate? When the president begged me to? Hell no. Trust the government? You kidding? Besides, i really needed a new XBox for free, and another DVD player, and a new handgun, and just a little jewelry from that old lady's house. She was dead anyway. Or almost. Hey! You! Hurry up with that helicopter! I'm getting hungry. It's been six hours, and i'm all wet, and somebody stole my whole stash of Southpaw Light that i, uh, found. How come the cops are never around when you need them? Injustice! Incompetence! Conspiracy! Why hasn't anyone saved me yet?

--anonymous