Cereal

mmm.

Cereal.

So nice, this time of night. It cuts the coffee acid. It's refreshing, and so wholesome. So...accessible.

Still, it's not without its own inherent controversy.

It has been argued, for instance, that the marshmallows in Lucky Charms may actually detract from the overall olfactory and savory aspects of the consumption experience. Prominent anti-mallow activists maintain that the human brain, distracted by too many colorful hues in the bowl, is unable to process the concurrent stimuli fully and thus cannot fully appreciate the subtleties inherent in the grain and frosting that (some would say) compose the true heart of the cereal. This coincides with the popular belief long held by many gourmets that - to paraphrase - listening to a fine violin performance while eating a fine meal is an insult to both the violinist and the chef.

To others, however, the answers are not so clear-cut. A recent survey of self-described pro-charm advocates indicates growing support for the theory of mallowetics, the view that the marshmallows - not the wheat component - better represent the essence of the cereal, regardless of their numerical disadvantage. Some now openly lobby for the establishment of a new cereal paradigm based on this line of reasoning.

"Look, what's it called? 'Lucky Charms,' right? Not 'Lucky Oddly Shaped Bits Of Wheat,' you know?" commented one prominent malloweticist in a recent interview. "I mean, come on."

According to many experts, growing intransigence on the part of some pro-mallow leaders could signal a pending split in the cereal world. But the majority surveyed would take a softer line on the issue, raising hopes that the two parties' differences could be settled through discussion and compromise. Wall Street pundits have pointed out that regardless of their differences, the general public likely would not accept a Lucky Charms made up entirely of marshmallows or entirely of wheat.

"It's true," said the malloweticist. "At the end of the day, we still need each other, and, y' know, that's really what it's all about."