File Under: No Place Like Home
It's Not Just For Breakfast Anymore.
New Orleans? Ha. Twenty-fourth.
Las Vegas? Number fourteen. Not even close.
Austin? Nooo. Despite the best efforts (and notable recent successes) of its most diligent student body, the city in general is barely scraping by in fifth.
No, my friends, the number-one hardest-drinking city in the U. S. of A? Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
I'm so proud.
And i was just there, too. Though i wasn't contributing much to the average. Well, except maybe for the day on our way up to Door County when my parents' van broke down in that winery parking lot in the middle of nowhere and we were completely stranded with nothing to eat but turkey sandwiches and potato chips and Oreos and nowhere to go but the free wine tasting counter upstairs, and the Triple-A guy didn't show up for, like, four hours. It was awful. But other than that, though, i mean, not much.
The vacation wasn't bad, either. Everyone made it into town in some reasonable approximation of sanity, and everyone managed to maintain that level just (little) enough for thorough enjoyment. The nephew count is holding at two for the moment, and they enjoyed themselves too. All in all, a fine trip to Wisconsin. (New state motto: Come Up North! We're Not As Think As You Drunk We Are!) A fine trip to a brandy state. I mean dandy. I mean... Never mind.
New Orleans? Ha. Twenty-fourth.
Las Vegas? Number fourteen. Not even close.
Austin? Nooo. Despite the best efforts (and notable recent successes) of its most diligent student body, the city in general is barely scraping by in fifth.
No, my friends, the number-one hardest-drinking city in the U. S. of A? Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
I'm so proud.
And i was just there, too. Though i wasn't contributing much to the average. Well, except maybe for the day on our way up to Door County when my parents' van broke down in that winery parking lot in the middle of nowhere and we were completely stranded with nothing to eat but turkey sandwiches and potato chips and Oreos and nowhere to go but the free wine tasting counter upstairs, and the Triple-A guy didn't show up for, like, four hours. It was awful. But other than that, though, i mean, not much.
The vacation wasn't bad, either. Everyone made it into town in some reasonable approximation of sanity, and everyone managed to maintain that level just (little) enough for thorough enjoyment. The nephew count is holding at two for the moment, and they enjoyed themselves too. All in all, a fine trip to Wisconsin. (New state motto: Come Up North! We're Not As Think As You Drunk We Are!) A fine trip to a brandy state. I mean dandy. I mean... Never mind.
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