16 November 2005 22:17

On The Various Merits Of Seasonal Employment

So i have been working at UPS.

What does this involve? Surprisingly little, in a cognitive sense. Nothing too stressful, unless there are dogs. Take package. Run to door. Ring doorbell. Run away. It's a lot like those games we used to play around the sixth grade or so - like ding-dong-ditch, except with boxes in place of the flaming poo. (No, we never used the flaming poo.)

I wake up, Monday through Friday mornings, and manage to get myself down to one of the malls south of here. There i meet up with my first driver, and we race heavily loaded pushcarts around the mall. This is actually more fun than it might sound. I'm not a driver, by the way. I am a driver's helper. The difference is partially semantic, and partially also that he's making seventy grand a year.

I do like this job. It's only till Christmas anyway. It's been decent so far, and after my first shift is over every day they've been good about finding me a second driver to give me some more hours. I've met some interesting people this way. Interesting dogs, too.

Plus, i get to wear the brown shorts. Chicks dig the brown shorts. At least my wife does. My high school guidance counselor would be so proud. I thought for a while i was going to need a copy of my Brookfield Academy transcript to get into flight school here in January, but the admissions people finally decided my bachelor's would do. Which is really kind of a shame. I feel that "Florida Community College at Jacksonville" would have been a fine addition to BA's little brag list of alumni acceptances. That empty space between Dartmouth and Georgetown has always been so embarrassing for them.